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I did not yet see Black Swan, but my wife and her friends did. I wanted to, but I couldn’t make it to the theater at the time they were going.
They came back from the movie unsettled. as they explained the movie to me, all I heard was the fact that there is a lesbian love scene that shows absolutely no nudity. None.
I was not surprised.
This movie starred Natalie Portman. She has foiled nerdy fanboys for years by having never really gotten naked in a movie where for all intents and purposes, she should have.
Let me explain.
After success in some really good movies as a child (The Professional and Heat), Natalie Portman burst onto the scene in the Star Wars prequels as Padme Amedala, and she immediately became a fanboy fantasy girl. From then on, nerds were just waiting for her to bare it all.
But after Star Wars, there were some lame romantic comedies. No chance for nudity. Fanboys were disheartened.
Then came Zach Braff’s Garden State, and what should’ve been a Last Picture Show skinny dipping scene turned into underwear-dipping. It wasn’t time yet.
After that was the extremely sexual movie, Closer, where Miss Portman actually played a stripper. You would think that she would finally reveal herself, and all the fanboys did, but she was one of those Hollywood movie strippers who never takes anything off. (Like Jessica Alba in Sin City who plays a character who is always topless in the comics, but not in the movie.)
Other movies came and went, and it seems like George Lucas may have been keeping her covered to keep up the image of the Star Wars brand, which is commendable.
Then came Hotel Chevalier. The short film which introduced Wes Anderson’s The
Darjeeling Limited had Natalie Portman completely naked onscreen, in an odd turn of events because Jason Schwartzman was completely clothed, but…she’s covered and not really naked. Thanks, but no thanks Natalie. You’ve fooled us for the last time.
Until Black Swan. Skimpy ballerina outfits? Steamy lesbian love scene? Natalie Portman?
Denied.
It’s never happening nerds. She can play as many strippers, prostitutes, porn stars, and nudist camp councilors as the movie industry will allow, and you’re never seeing the goods.
Oh well, she’s a good actress. She’s just been in too many not-so-great movies.
If I ran Hollywood, I would’ve cast her as Indiana Jones’ daughter, Dakota and had a Dakota Jones adventure trilogy that would’ve been great. Too bad the cast Shia Labeouf and called him “Mutt.”
So many missed opportunities Natalie. So many missed opportunities.
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I have some confessions to make…and they have to do with Muppets.
Confession 1) I have been obsessed with The Muppets for the past two months.
It all started when a good friend of mine told me that there have been some pretty funny and insightful comparisons on the internet between The Muppet Show and the current NBC show, 30 Rock. It just takes a quick Google search to find the similarities as both shows are about a the hapless main character trying to corral a cast of yahoos together to make a variety show. It’s kinda funny to see the similarities, but it’s also interesting to note that 30 Rock has used Muppets two or three times. At any rate, this got me thinking about The Muppets.
Confession 2) I had never watched The Muppet Show or seen any of the Muppet movies all the way through.
Granted, I was born 7 months after the last Muppet Show aired, but to not see any of the movies is a little inexcusable. I did however watch a ton of Muppet Babies when I was a kid. All that being said, I have been watching as many YouTube clips of The Muppet Show as I can, and that show is great. How is it not still on their air somehow? I also DVRed The Muppet Christmas Carol and The Muppets Take Manhattan on The Hub over Christmas, so I’m getting caught up.
Confession 3) My newfound Muppets obsession has lead me to buying Muppets toys
Yes, I am a grown-up, but that is by age, not by choice. Anyone who knows me personally knows that if we were to go to a Target or Wal-Mart, I’d go to the toy section first. I am a kid at heart, and that’s why I’m creating comics for you. Now it is also well known that I have a collector mentality, and I had done a good job keeping it somewhat at bay recently (buying a house will do that to you), but this popped into my head, and now all I want are Muppet toys. Unfortunately, the line of toys I like were made by a company that no longer exists called Palisades around six or seven years ago, and they no longer make them. This has proven somewhat challenging, but eBay can be fun, and my best friend pulled a super-fast turnaround on Christmas gifts by getting me a Kermit and Miss Piggy toy like a week after finding out I was suddenly into Muppets. Bravo.
Confessions over.
So while I’ve been obsessing over The Muppets, I found out that Jason Segal (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, How I Met Your Mother) is the writer, star, and driving force behind a brand new Muppet Movie slated for release in November of 2011. Being that Disney has owned the rights to The Muppets for a few years or so, this movie will have full-backing of the Disney marketing juggernaut as they have dubbed 2011, “The Year of the Muppets.”
So coming full circle, because I’m currently obsessed with the Muppets, I’m super excited for 2011. Hopefully, we will see a resurgence of Muppets in various places like late night talk shows and maybe (hopefully) an all Muppet episode of 30 Rock. (Hey, they did a claymation episode of Community.) There is also an AMAZING Muppets comic that started last year by Roger Langridge. I will of course be collecting as many out-of-stock Muppets toys as my wife will allow.
ALSO, FAO Schwarz has a Muppet Whatnot Workshop where you can build your own Muppet for $99.99! Take that Build-a-Bear!!
Enough rambling. You can tell I’m excited about Muppets. But just think, if you get into the Muppet spirit, 2011 can be just as fun for you too.
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